My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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