True but thats because hes a fetus.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
