I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
