just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
