I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
