I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
