i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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