hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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