I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
