last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
