I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
