hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
