Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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