I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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