We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
