I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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