Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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