Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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