he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
