I'm lost and stupid without you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just invented taco cereal.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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