just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize