sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
