trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Please don't give away my fajitas
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
