Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
