Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
