i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
