Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
