I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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