Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My feet surprised me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
