she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
