remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
