ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
