i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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