Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
