Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
