She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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