Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
