I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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