I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
