I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
