Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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