You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
