He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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