I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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