When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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