I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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