i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
