i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
