Kiss
Puke
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
