Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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