I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
