like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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