Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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