I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Still dying that you shit outside
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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