You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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