I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
