if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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