I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
