If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
