Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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