You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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