i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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