true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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