Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
