oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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