Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
