Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
