The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
